Movement Responses & Feedback from Ute

-ALM, current Unergi student

June 3, 2010

Unergi Core Support Movement: Pelvic Dial

Once I had my feet planted on the floor, I felt like I didn’t want to move at all. It was especially unusual because this movement is really IN my body now. My body remembers how to do it and likes it. Today was different at first. So I just stayed on the floor at listened and imagined for a while. I thought that my body had softened into the floor, but about 10 minutes into listening, I became aware that my entire body was actually in a slight contraction and that was why my body didn’t want to move. It would have been forcing it. After I was able to let go, I visualized for a little longer and then my body joined in with my imagination and it all made sense.

Ute - I imagine that a part of you wanted to make sure that she had a voice, and was "firing her authority figures" that you have internalized over a lifetime. Since you didn't force her to "get with the program", but instead listened patiently and went WITH her resistance in to imagination (something we are really good at as children), she consented to come along and helped you with her fabulous, and most often forgotten, ability to SENSE! "...it all made sense".

June 5, 2010

Unergi Core Support Movement: Shoulder & Hip Circles

I love that my shoulders understand this sequence. The glitches fall away within seconds and the movement becomes fluid. My hips are stubborn. When I turned to the other side, my other hip “got it” after a few minutes. I know I have a lot going on with my hips emotionally and that is likely playing a big role in my ability to move. I think it might also be time to pull out my anatomy coloring book so I have the most accurate understanding of what everything looks like in there. Maybe my visualization is throwing me off, too. I think it may have been the first Unergi weekend I came to that you said that if your body map is off, it reinforces habitual beliefs and responses. (Something along those lines.)

Ute - Yes, it is a very good idea to work with an accurate anatomical map in your thinking-brain. It will also help the (limbic) feeling-brain to feel more secure, and trust in your willingness to make an honest effort for contact.

June 12, 2010
Unergi Core Support Movement: Windshield Wiper

I feel sort of uneasy and disoriented. I seem to get really out of sorts when I do sequences lying on my side. I know I’ve written that before and I still don’t have a complete sense about why. I think part of it has to do with balance and also having my head in line with my spine. I haven’t figured out how to do that comfortably so throughout the sequence I’m rearranging my arm to make sure my neck isn’t contorted in some strange position – and I know I’m contracting my neck anyway. I just learned something! I know I’m starting to soften my shoulders and neck with more ease while lying on the floor on my BACK…lying on my side is a totally different story!

The other thing I wanted to mention relates to the head movement where I’m lying on my back and then move my head so my chin moves from my chest toward the ceiling and back. On the tape you say to notice how the movement ripples through the neck, spine and pelvis. The thing that is so interesting is that I totally felt the change in my body when my chin was moving toward my chest vs. when it was moving toward the ceiling… and it isn’t something I can verbalize yet. I KNOW, my BODY knows…and somehow I think that if I THINK about it too much in this moment, it will become pointlessly convoluted. Perhaps as I continue to experiment with that movement it will become easier to talk about. Right now I am comfortable sitting in the experience of FEELING it, and I guess that’s okay.

Ute - (Put a folded towel under your head that is high enough so that your spine is lying in a long line parallel to the floor.) Often, talking ABOUT something stays in the ABOUT and moves us away from the inside/insight of the experience, and away from Trust in the whole body function versus separating it into parts.

June 18, 2010

Unergi Core Support Movement: Pelvic Dial

I did this after I got out of the pool. After Monday’s swim that caused Tuesday’s pain like I haven’t felt in a while, I was nervous to swim at all. Marjory suggested that I might swim with Alexander awareness. It made total sense to me and that is what I did. I felt a difference in my body as I moved through the water. I didn’t swim long, but I spent a lot of time in the water, just walking around, floating around, being. Even still, I got out of the water and within 30 minutes my body started responding like it did on Tuesday. So down to the floor I went! The most interesting thing that I noticed is that it felt like my sacrum and lowest part of my back was shifting around and my back was cracking. My shoulders were completely relaxed – which is also very interesting. Usually I have to remind myself to let my shoulders fall into the floor.

My frustration with my body for the past 2 years…though mostly in the past 3 months because I really feel like I am gaining strength in the rest of my life…is that it seems so unpredictable. I practice all this body-awareness and then all of a sudden I wake up Tuesday morning feeling like I was run over by a truck. It really threw me off. My five minute a day focus that I chose at the Monergy Workshop is “I have my health”. On Tuesday night I lay in bed and I hadn’t done that yet, and so I started focusing on it…and I just started crying. I’m still waiting to see what I’m supposed to learn… it will come when it will come.

Ute - Here is what I imagine: You are moving into a whole new level of movable awareness, which is exciting AND scary. The younger parts that have had good reasons to be protective, and therefore withdrawn and contracted, are asked to leave the former protection behind and trust the expansion. As you observe, experience and affirm that you are able to make different, self-supportive choices in your present life, the earlier habitual protective mechanism is no longer needed. This can bring up a ton of different feelings, like, "Am I useless now? Does she reject all my efforts of trying so hard to stay safe (by making myself invisible, not speaking up, etc)? Is it safe to come out? Who can I really trust?..." The swimming and allowing the buoyancy of the water CARRY YOU and explore even more fluidity and expansion than ever before, may have thrown a younger part of you into panic. So, go back to patient listening, as you know how to do so beautifully, and wait for her to show you her timing, her pacing...

June 25, 2010

Feldenkrais: Freeing the Mouth & Jaw

I did this just before going to sleep last night. The left side of my neck was very tight and it felt like my entire head was full of tension. I was sort of surprised because I have been very aware of my jaw and keeping it soft. I wonder if I compensated by holding my head in a strange way. It is quite possible. It has only been in the past couple days that I have consciously kept my head free and remembered the head/neck/atlas relationship. Anyway – when I first started and rolled my head, it rolled very easily to the right but didn’t want to go very far to the left at all. I spent a lot of time on this sequence…longer than usual. I could feel how opening my mouth affected my neck and because my neck was tense, my mouth did not want to open too much at first. By the end, my neck had released a little bit and my head was able to roll a little easier.

Ute - We hold a lot of tension in the jaw, head/neck area. I imagine this is because of our fear to speak up, to be heard, to take up space with our ideas in other people's lives. Notice how this Jaw sequence engages your whole body, not just the jaw area, and is therefore a "way in" to taking up our rightful place in the world.